Clair de Lune
by SuGaRnSpIcE4222
Summary: You need to go with your mother, to Jacksonville" Edward whispered, leaning over my bed-- Post Twilight. What if Bella had listened to him? How would their lives be different? Set 4 years into the future, Belle moves back to Forks.
1. Homecoming

_It used to be that I could not get enough of Edward Cullen; I was drawn to him like glue, almost to the point of obsession. And not just him, either, but to all of the Cullens—Esme and her gentility, Carlisle and his warmth, Alice and open, inviting personality, Emmett and the qualities that made him like the big brother I never had, even Rosalie; although she didn't quite like me, she was loyal to her family, always, and I admired that. And then there was Jasper; he worked so hard at being good, at being gentle, and I'd always admired the strength he showed. But that was then—now, now I'd do anything to stay away from them, and it has proven to be the most difficult thing in my life. For I am still somewhat in love with Edward Cullen and I still adore his family; but I have someone who needs me more, someone who needs stability in her life, my daughter Emily Aimee Swan. She's four now and she's only just begun her little life. A life back in Forks, Washington, where surely the Cullens had to have left by now… right?_

***---***---***

I never thought I'd get over it when Edward insisted I leave to Jacksonville with my mother; I never dreamt I could survive without him…and yet, I did it, I left him and my heart behind for the sun and safety of Northern Florida. For a while there it hurt to even smile, to even pretend, but with Renee hovering I didn't have much of a choice, I had to at least try. For her sake, anyways. I met a guy about 6 months after living there; his name was John and he was sweet and romantic and passionate and protective and caring and he was…everything Edward had been for me. Except he was mortal, and in the end that was his biggest flaw. John was a rookie cop just out of college and I was in the middle of my senior year of High School; I got pregnant and well, 9 months later we had Emily. Two months after that John was shot in the line of duty—that's where the flaw came in. He died 8 hours after the surgeons retrieved the bullet from his abdomen; they said he bled out, that his body just couldn't handle the stress it was under. Edward wouldn't have bled out. Edward wouldn't have been fazed by the bullet at all, in fact.

So, here I am, four years later, a single mother back in the cold sanctions of Forks, Washington. It was the best move all around; I could work a steady job (which Charlie so graciously offered me) and raise Emily around people that my family has known for generations. Nobody ever left Forks, except for my scatterbrained mother, that is. And me there, for a while, but history has proven me to show right back up. I guess Forks is like my safety net, in a way. I came here when Renee needed to follow Phil around for minor league baseball, and I come back when I need to give Emily more than I already have; in other words, when the going gets tough I turn to Forks.

"I found you a great little house" Charlie said, looking over at me and Emily.

"Don't tell me it's my homecoming gift" I mused, picking Emily up. She rested her head tiredly on my shoulder and I could hear her begin to suck her fingers; she'd be asleep soon and then I could really get to unpacking.

"Only the down payment" Charlie mused. "Your old red truck is still sitting in the driveway too. Still runs great."

"Thanks, Dad, this is all great, but isn't this a little…much?" I eyed the tiny house. It was similar to Charlie's; not too big, not too small…then again, it was also right next door, so similarities were to be expected.

"I told you, Bella, I want to be there for you. I'm happy you came to me," Charlie's eyes lingered on me for a minute. A hug would have been acceptable here, but Charlie still wasn't that great with affection. I didn't expect him to ever get any better.

Charlie stuffed his hands in his pockets and gave his shoulders a tense shrug, "Well, why don't I help you guys inside and then let you two get settled in? Do you need anything?"

I shook my head and walked inside with Charlie, Emily still in my arms. "No, I think we're good for now, thanks"

"Yep" Charlie nodded; I watched him set our luggage by the front door then turn to leave. "I'll be right next door if you two need anything."

"Thanks, Dad" I smiled just a bit then locked the door behind him. I gazed down at Emily; she was asleep, just like I'd predicted. I set down a sleeping back in the corner of the living room and gently laid her down in it. She curled up with Mr. Bubbles (her stuffed pig) and turned, facing the wall.

It'd been a while since I'd seen her so relaxed; I think she knew deep down I wouldn't be leaving her now. Not to go to work, not to go out, not for anything. She felt safe here in Forks, the sky dripping with cool, moist water, the overly-friendly people, and her grandfather. And me. She felt safe here with _me_. With the thought that she and I could finally begin a life just the two of us like I'd promised her since the day her father died.

Boxes sat in the middle of my living room and I sighed, sitting down one of them, folding my hands in my lap. My watch told me the time was 3p.m. I could get a little unpacking done and then we could go get some dinner over at the diner, a little cobbler, maybe… or I could do what I've been telling myself I wouldn't do since arriving in Forks, and drive past the Cullens' old place, see what's new about it and what's not.

Against my better judgment I easily (and weightlessly) lifted Emily back into my arms. I tucked her safely into the truck, making sure to cover her up and stick Mr. Bubbles back in her arms then buckled her in. With one more hesitation (and without better thought) I climbed into the driver's seat of my truck and turned the key into the ignition, listening the engine of the old truck rumble to life. "It's a quick drive and then we'll come right back home," I promised Emily in a whisper as she slept.


	2. For my daughter

The Cullen residence is just how I remembered it; light and open and…amazing. I drove slowly up to it, just gazing in awe at the sight of the house, just as I'd done the first time. Oh, and mysterious, the house was still as mysterious as it had been the first time I'd laid eyes on it.

Emily was still fast asleep next to me; I knew because I could hear the soft sounds of snores emanating from her nostrils. A nagging feeling deep inside me told me I shouldn't be here, and to leave…to leave now and never return, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. Until, of course, I locked eyes with two frighteningly familiar faces: Dr. Carlisle Cullen and Edward.

I stuck the keys quickly back in the ignition of my truck and scrambled to start the engine. But, just as I'd remembered, they were fast-painstakingly fast. Within milliseconds both men were leaning over my window frame.

"Bella?" Edward sounded more than just surprised to see me.

"Edward, uh, umm, hi," I stumbled, in taking his delicious scent; oh god he still smelled luscious. And, as usual, he had me staggering to get my words out. "What… what are you still doing here?" He once said they never stayed in one place for too long.

Edward laughed whole heartedly, "I think the question is what _you_ are doing here?"

"I uh, I live here now. Well, not here, but here as in Forks here" I replied. "I just moved back with my…" I was caught off guard as he poked his curious head into my car.

"Who's that?" he asked, nodding his head towards Emily.

"That's umm, my daughter, Emily" I informed him and Dr. Carlisle (who remained mostly a bystander this whole time).

"So how are you?" I asked him. "I thought you guys didn't stay in one place for too long."

"Well technically this is the next town over from Forks. Carlisle works at the hospital here now, and I'm just about to graduate…again" Edward said with a sly smile. "We have a couple years until people begin to wonder why we're not aging terribly and they are."

I nodded; I guess I could sort of still understand the way they worked. Then again, to begin with I never truly understood how they worked. "Ohh" was all I could say. "So how is everyone?"

"Rosalie and Emmett are off at college. Jasper and Alice are still around here. Alice is taking some classes at the community college," Edward enlightened me.

"That's cool, that's great for them" I smiled.

"You should come inside. Alice will be home soon, and I'm sure she'd just love to see you. Esme would love to see you as well," Carlisle smiled at me; his smile, like Edward's, was contagious. It was hard to say not to them. I let my keys fall into my hand, and I nodded, biting my lip. Emily would probably continue to stay asleep for the duration of the visit; I could go in, say hi, and then get out. And that would be the last of it—I'd be rid of the Cullens, I'd be rid of Edward, and I'd be free to continue on with my plans for a stable life for Emily.

"Alright, for just a few minutes," I nodded. I reached over, unbuckling Emily in her seat, and quietly lifted her into my arms. She stirred a bit, and just when I thought she was going to wake up she snuggled her head into my shoulder. That was one thing you could count on kids—no matter what was going on, no matter how you moved them, they could sleep through it all.

"Would you like some help?" Edward offered me with outstretched arms.

But I clutched tighter to Emily, "No, I've got her, thank you." I knew the last thing Edward would do is hurt Emily, but apart of me insisted on hanging on to her, not letting go.

Edward backed off immediately. It made me wonder if he could read my mind now, the way he got the hint so quick. I didn't ask though. Carlisle held the door open for me and I walked inside. The house still looked the same; nothing had really changed, except for maybe a few pieces of furniture here and there.

Esme must have sensed me, or smelled me, I wasn't sure, but before Carlisle could even get her she was standing in front of us. "Bella, it's so good to see you," she smiled. "And whose this?" she inquired, reaching out and running a gentle hand through Emily's hair.

"My daughter Emily," I updated her, hugging her to show just how much I'd missed her. "And it's good to see you too," I beamed. It felt good to be in her presence again…and not just her presence.

"What have you been up to?" Esme tried to make conversation. Clearly she knew I hadn't put up a fight about leaving four years ago because it was the best thing to do. Otherwise I don't think she'd be so nice.

"Working, mostly, and trying to raise Emily"

"Being a mother can sometimes be the hardest job any woman can have" Esme agreed. "Are you and Edward going to spend some time catching up?"

"I think there's plenty of time for that" Edward interjected.

Before Esme could respond again I could feel Emily stir against my shoulders. This time, she'd wake up, this was I sure of. She'd slept about just as long as her tiny body would let her sleep when it wasn't bedtime. "Mommy where is we?" Emily murmured against my shoulder.

"Where are we," I corrected her, "and we're at one of mommy's old friends' house." I explained. "Lift your head up baby, mommy's arms are getting sleepy"

"Mommy we is 'posta be home emptying the boxes," Emily so kindly informed me.

Esme and Carlisle laughed at that, and Emily even elicited a coy smile from Edward. "She keeps you in line, does she?" Carlisle mused.

"Yes, she certainly does," I laughed, then looked down at Emily. "You're right, we should be home unpacking. We'll get there soon, I promise," I told her gently. My arms felt like jello now. I don't think I'd ever held her this long, not since the day she was born. They began to wobble, so I knelt down and placed her foot first on the floor. "Better" I smiled.

"Okay, I'll stand mommy, but I won't like it" Emily eyed me, putting her tiny hands on her hips. I wondered momentarily whose attitude she had; certainly it couldn't have been mine… no, yes it could have.

"Emily Aimee," I began in a no nonsense tone, reminding her to be respectful.

"You started it!" she cried and at this I had to laugh. "I guess I did, didn't I?"

"Mmhmm, you should has letted me sleep before we comes here" Emily mumbled, shoving her head into my stomach. I placed a hand on her head, running my nails tenderly through her light brown curls.

"She sure is something else" Carlisle commented, a smile still plastered on his pale face.

"She's adorable. If she wants to lie down I'm sure we can find her somewhere to sleep. We don't normally have guests here who sleep" Esme reflected on, smiling wide.

"Why don't theys sleeps mommy?" Emily asked me immediately, her eyes locked on mine now as they searched for an answer."

"Umm, I don't know" I told her immediately. And there came the gut wrenching feeling that had warned me not to come here back at home; it was true, I was sort of hoping I'd run into them when I left the house. A little inkling inside me yearned to see if the Cullens were still here, desired to know what they were up to, if they'd changed—and a part of me, I didn't know how big, craved to know if Edward still thirsted for me.

But the sane part of me, the rational, motherly feelings inside me tugged at my common sense. This wasn't a world I wanted to raise my daughter in. This wasn't a world fit for a four year old, a safe world. After all, I'd only left Forks to begin with because of the danger this world had brought to me, a human. Edward was right when he said he was a monster; not that _he_ himself was, but he as a vampire. Vampires were ravenous creatures, most anyways, and they didn't hesitate to kill teens and adults. So why should I have any doubt in my mind that one would hesitate to kill my daughter?

It was true four years ago I was willing to give up my mortality, to become a vampire and live forever with Edward and his family. But now I had Emily to consider, and I wasn't willing to end her life and force her to be someone she may or may not want to be when she was older. I could understand Edward's feelings on the matter, now.

"Bella?" Esme called out to me, pulling me out of my train of thought. "Did you want me find something for Emily?" she asked, smiling down at Emily and running a gentle hand through her hair.

"Uh, um, no," I swallowed, "no, she's right, I should probably get her home. It was great to see you guys again"

"Are you sure you can't stay until Alice gets here? I know she'd love to see you," Carlisle frowned.

"Who's Alice?" Emily blinked, looking up at Carlisle for her answer

"Another friend, baby," I told her quickly, "and no, we really can't. I'm sorry to have barged in like this. You guys, you guys look great. You do, it was great to see you again" I smiled and grabbed Emily, holding her in my gelatin arms and turned for the door.

I couldn't stay another minute to see the expressions on their faces, though a part of me wanted to. The part of me that hated the fact that I was probably hurting Edward, and Carlisle, and Esme. They must think I feel like they're monsters now, and I don't. I hope they can understand it's about my daughter now. It's all about my daughter now. And this just…isn't what I want for her. What she needed was me to leave, and leave quickly. What Emily needed was never to know what the Cullens really are, to never find out the danger that lurks around every corner of their world. The memories of what happened to me became more vivid in my mind; James and his attack, his hunger and his thirst for me. His persistence—he wasn't going to let me get away alive. That could happen again, only to Emily now, and a sudden urgency took over.

I scurried out the door, unlocked my truck, tucked Emily into her toddler seat, and then got in and drove off. I didn't even bother to buckle my own seatbelt (where as, if memory serves me right, I probably should have).

"Mommy we left Mr. Bubbles!" Emily cried. "I dropped him!"

"Its okay, baby, we'll get a new toy." I knew she couldn't understand the urgency in my tone; frankly, I couldn't understand it either. But I was suddenly determined to stay away from Edward and his family; determined to keep Emily away from them. I couldn't let myself begin to fall for him again, no matter how much my heart wanted me to. There was no way I could ever love Edward Cullen again. It was time, regardless of my feelings, to banish Edward and his family completely from my life. Because banishing him from my life meant a security of Emily's life.

It wasn't long before I pulled up in the driveway of my new home next door to Charlie's house. Emily was still whining for Mr. Bubbles, but she'd let up a great deal. Now it was more muttering to herself than pleading with me to get him back. I took her out of her toddler seat, still secretly cursing myself as a mother for even bringing her out in the first place, and let her run up to the front door.

"Can I unlock the door, mommy?" she asked me solemnly.

I nodded and handed her the shiny silver key to the front door. "Here ya go. Remember, righty tighty, lefty loosey" I smiled. "So which way do we turn it to unlock it?"

"Lefty, duh!" Emily giggled. She stuck the key in the lock, turned it to her left, and then flipped the door handle. The door swung open and immediately my eyes met the box I'd been sitting on just before I left the house with Emily.

There, on the box, sat Mr. Bubbles, over a note scrawled in Edward's manuscript that read_ 'You're a good mother; we understand'. _

"Mr. Bubbles!" Emily's eyes lit up and she ran for her stuffed pig, not even begging for the answer of how he got there.


End file.
